Life on the Riviera - The weather

#1 If you think you won't get sunburnt in the water. You're wrong.
 Many people think that. "Oh I'm in the water, I don't need to put cream now, I can do it once I'm out". Big mistake. Unless you're diving (and not even for sure), you'll always be moving around, in and out of the water. And the sun will take pure pleasure in burning this little bit of shoulder that you left out. Ask my sister, why she looks like a tomato, you'll see...


#2 If you think it's better to walk barefoot. You're wrong.
In the morning, you put your heels, then you walk around town for a bit and start thinking "I'm fed up with these heels, I'm going too slowly with them, I should walk barefoot on the pavement". Don't! You will actually burn your feet and, believe me, you don't walk very fast with burnt feet.

#3 If you think you can rely on other to take the suncream (1). You're wrong.
To my sister as she's spreading cream on her arms :
-"Hey, can you take the suncream with you please? I'll just put it on at the beach"
-"Sure!"
10minutes later as we are lying on the sand.
-"Can you give me the suncream please?"
-"Crap I forgot it at home"
It didn't cross my mind to ask somebody for cream (idiot) so I got completely burned...Nice one sis! 

(1) For sun cream that doesn't destroy corals; protect you and the sea. check out Evoa's site.

Life on the Riviera - On the road

 #1: Never ignore a fellow driver.

I once stopped at a light with my window a third open. A car with two young guys stops next to me. I can feel their eyes on me but I'm keeping my head straight, checking out directions. The light goes green, they throw a ball of paper in my car and drive away. This was only to get my attention because they were upset by me ignoring them. Wankers! (excuse my French)

#2: Never beep.
An Irish mate beeped a guy because he thought they were gonna drive into each other. "I did it for our safety" he said, and thought. The other driver didn't see it this way. He started driving very close to him, nearly banging his car before taking over and braking, into, what French call, "une queue de poisson" (a fish tail). When the road narrowed and the traffic forced them to slow down, the furious driver stopped his car and walked toward the bastard who had beeped him (that was his thinking). At this point, my mate thought :"oh crap, I'm in for an argument". Just then, the guy opened his back door to get a wooden stick out. "Fuck, he's gonna smash my car" thought the poor foreigner. He had several options but thought it was better not to wait and see. So he (quite dangerously) dashed out of the lane (nearly banging an oncoming car) and drove away.

#3 Give a lot of space to people doing maneuvers
Again my Irish mate (an unlucky fellow?) was driving along a small street when he noticed a car coming out of a driveway. Well mannered, he decided to stop and let the driver get out, which the woman did. She reversed into him and drove away under his amazed eyes. He was so bemused he didn't think of taking her number plate. She definitely got out of this one.

#4 Never go near an old driver
I went to pick up a couch surfer at the train station. Out of the station, the driveway takes us to a larger road's middle lane. I need to turn right so I check the mirrors: there's a car a good 10metres away. We're in town driving at less than 20km per hour, so plenty of time for me to put my indicator on and change line smoothly. Everything seems perfect until I look at my rear view mirror. In the car behind me, still a good 2 meters away, an old woman is obviously very angry. I don't read lips but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like what she's saying. My mum told me to respect my older so I ignore her and focus my attention on the Aussie girl sitting next to me. But I can't help seeing the little grey haired woman getting excited behind her wheel. She's now extending and folding her arms nervously. I guess she wants to give me a hug (or maybe something else, I wasn't sure). My mum told me not to talk to stranger, or hug them, so I decided to ignore her again. She isn't happy with me for refusing giving her some lovin (old people can feel pretty lonely) so she kept waving, mouthing and showing her fists. This went on for a good 2km until I turned right again. I couldn't stop laughing looking at her getting all angry over nothing, but really it's sad.

Saving my little mouse

I am in the flat. My family's buzzing around. My niece and I are looking at my white mouse, bored in her cage. "I need to buy a wheel" I say, "Indeed" the teenager agrees. The cage is always open. There is no danger in the flat and I prefer not having the mouse all locked up. As always, the neighbour's cat is trying to come in. My sister just booed away the cat but when she turns around, it enters the flat. My sister goes after her but the cat's running around too fast and makes her look like a giant Roly-poly toy

Before I have time to close the mouse's cage, the cat grabs it and jumps on the curtain, climbing towards the top. The mouse is hanging down, her tail in the cat's mouth, not a comfortable position.
I jump but I can't reach the top! My mum brings a chair and I quickly climb onto it to snatch the mouse from its mouth. The little animal is in distress, I caress her for comfort. Then I decide to give her some cheese. Surely that would cheer her up. I put her safely back in the cage, close it up and head toward the kitchen.
Cheese, cheese, where is the cheese? Not here, not there! I finally find a little bit of Emmental hidden behind a milk box. It's small but it will do for now. I open the cage, making sure the cat cannot get in, lay the cheese on the woodchips, scratch her head and remove my hand.
She bites the cheese and already looks much better. I'm glad, I wake up.

Furnitures illusion and check-in desks disappearance

My friends are coming over to see my new place . I can't wait for them to see it, and to like it. It's simple. White walls, no frames, a small kitchen, medium size dining room. But it's cool. It's surprising. In the bathroom, when I open the door, the bath actually disappears in the wall (to make more space). There are hidden cupboards everywhere! I am amazed, I love my new flat!


Then I am at the airport. It's a busy day. I walk straight in front of me, which get me into a big white plane. Walking straight into a plane doesn't bother me (it would bother security I guess) but I'm not suppose to be in a plane, I'm suppose to be at check-in and that confuses me. So I turn around. I am back in the waiting area. I look everywhere, turn around, look again, but I cannot see a sign indicating Check-in. I'm getting worried; I don't have so long before it closes. I ask an attendant who tells me that I have to go left, right, up, down. I'm like Asterix in the house of madness!

 I feel helpless. I need to get my plane. I have to go to London but I can't find the f*****g check-in! I can feel it, any minute from now I'm gonna start crying. Here, standing in the middle of the airport with hundreds of people around me, I'm gonna start crying like a baby. I can feel the ball forming in my stomach, and coming up my throat. I gasp for air. And as I hear my lung filling up in my dream, my body lifts itself from my bed. I actually gasped in my bed and it woke me up.

When I am not swimming where I wish I was

The surroundings are wonderful. The forest is very green and dark, dark green (1). A river is running through the high trees. The light reflects on their branches like hundreds of butterflies flying high (2). On the floor, it's all dark and green, dark green. Despite it's darkness, the forest is not scary. How could it be? There a dozens of people here. Boats, riding along the river, people waiting on the bank for the next one to take them on a cruise. There are gondolas, floating boats, barks and many different kind of small and colorful boats. All following the same path up and down. Taking somebody on board, going down, back up, emptying the boat, taking somebody on board, going down etc... Venice in a forest.
As many others, my (dream) boyfriend and I are queuing for a boat. A Chinese guy rides his orange inflatable boat up to us. There are three seats so he asks if we are ok to share with the girl behind us. "Sure" we say.
The boat is not stable and as we try getting in, the three of us plunge in the deep dark river. As I am falling I can't help thinking that the texture of the water is not right. It's too thick. Not jelly like but thick enough to make the fall fell quite slow. I want to open my eyes to know what's around us but decide that I'd better not know what I am swimming in. I also realise that we're holdings hands. I am holding one of her hands and one of his and so are they. The three of us are falling like a circle. The we go down for several seconds during which I don't move. I let myself fall until I understand that I can't swim up while holding their hands. I need to let one at least go. I open my right hand and start swimming up.
We reach the wooden bank, somebody helps us up. The girl and I first, my boyfriend after. We cough and spit the water. His black hair and thin body drench, he looks at me. I can see in his eyes the disappointment and question forming: "Why did you let go off my hand?".
 
A while later, I am with two friends at our hotel's swimming pool. We want to go for a last swim before leaving. The swimming pool is huge, probably several hundred square meters, so no surprise, we want to make the most of it! I decide we should check out first, so we don't waste time going to reception after which allows us to  save several swimming party minutes.
 E, agrees, "whatever" she says. But the other one doesn't want to hear about it! She wants to swim now and care about the rest later, so short sighed! I am getting angry. She starts getting angry until I shout "Connnasse" at her (1) then walks toward the reception. Shame is, I get lost in the stables and will never get to the reception or the swimming pool by the time I wake up...

(1) Excuse my French

These dreams where you need to pee

 I am in Normandy, with my family. We are working around an old big house. I'm  downstairs, cleaning & painting the walls. Suddenly, I need to pee. I run to my mum (1) and ask her "where are the toilets?". The house is in the middle of a clearing. Cars and trucks are parked outside. Technically I could pee anywhere. But no, she sends me to THE toilets. "You go upstairs, turn right, a small door, you can't miss it" . Faster than Flash gordon, I run upstairs, turn right and open the small door to find myself...in front of nothing. The door opens on a little, square metal ramp. The idea is for me to go to the furthest spot on the ramp, bend down and pee. Now, I forgot to mention something quite important: I am shit scared of height (2). I manage to stand on the ramp, not without shaking like a leaf blown away, which I feel is pretty much what's gonna happen to me soon. I bend down but the lower I get, the higher raise the panic. I'm going mad. Breathe breathe, it's ok, you can do this, you can pee. But nothing comes. The stress is blocking me! My mother, noticing that I'm not coming back down, decides to check on me. When she opens the door and sees me on my fours, hysteric and not peeing she decides to call my dad, who calls my step-brother, who calls my sister and soon the whole family is trying to help me pee. Obviously, it doesn't work. So after a while, I do what needs to be done. I wake up and go to the toilets.

(1)   as any 31 years old would do

(2)   or, to be more adequate, pee scared

The poster

I'm walking very carefully in the sleepy town. The night has turned everything black and white. I do not want to make noise. I don't want to get caught.
I want something that I shouldn't take, my Holy Grail.
I see it in the distance. I go through small streets and back alleys, making sure I don't loose sigh of it. It's up there, hanging from a pole like a pub sign, beautiful.
I get as close as I can. People are strolling along the shops. I need to rush before anybody sees me. In one jump I grab it and pull it down with me. The Dylan Moran poster.
I have to run, fast! People noticed the poster is now missing and alerted the police. I enter a backpackers’ house and walk up the fly of stairs as fast as I can. With no effort (1) I reach the top floor. People are waking up, there is clothes and bags all over. I nearly trip on it but manage to steady myself. Next minute, I'm out by the window.  My car's parked below. An old woman is waiting next to it, asking me to give her a lift. No time to discuss, I help her get in (2). As I drive out of the parking, I can hear the siren getting closer. I get on the main road but damn, there is a toll. I know the police can get me there. If I stop, I'm screwed. So I, simply, decide to teleport myself, the old lady and the car to my place. Easy!
I help her getting out of the car and in my American style, little white wooden house. Then carefully place the poster in the living room. How great is it? His Irish features, drunken eyes, crazy hair and sweet I-can't-be-arsed smile, facing me.
The old lady has disappeared in the kitchen, probably to prepare some tea. I walk upstairs, push my bedroom door and see Alexander Michael Karev, himself, lying on my bed. This is turning into a very, very good day indeed.
I, obviously!, jump on the bed next to him. We start talking (3) about anything and everything before getting to the sex topic. I am now quite hopeful that this will turn into something good (and I mean sex, so we're clear). But (and this is one of the but I hate) as soon as he puts a hand on me. My f*****g alarm rings!! Unbelievable! Talk about waking up frustrated.
 

(1) I wish!
(2) ok it's more like pushing her in really :s
(3) seriously? talking?!

Childhood mate

Everybody's buzzing around downstairs but we couldn't care less. We don't want to leave the bed. We are making out like our lives depend on it. It's like we're catching up the years. I feel his skin, watch his smile, hear his breathing. I take everything in.
After a while, I hear steps, the wood cracking. My mum's coming upstairs. I'm not worried, my mum pops Champagne corks every time she hears I made out with someone. But this time I should be. To my utter surprise, she is not happy but furious! "What are you doing? What is he doing here?" and a thousand of other questions explode in the room soon followed by "Get out of here, I don't want you in my house". Words that I have never heard or thought I would hear from my mum.

I am so chocked I can hardly react. But I don't really care (1) I just want to stay in his arms. After a while, I do realise that having your mother screaming at you is not helping when you tried to relax in bed, with your boyfriend. So we leave. One last look at the beige painted house sitting on a fake smallish hill under which is the garage and we're out of the street. And I'm out of this dream.

(1)  Sorry mum!

Scotland yard

It's getting dark outside my flat and I can't help but feel the panic growing inside me. Tonight is the big night. We have been working for month to get to this. We, two of London's best police officers, are on the verge of bringing down a drug cartel.
We are debating about the best way to do this. Mainly, we need to fix one issue. They know we're coming for them. And we know that they want to be the first to attack. The dealer's boss is a twisted man so we expect him to go for our families. I have no kids, no folks, I'm a loner. The only risk I'm taking is loosing my own life which is not a big deal. But she is a single mum. I know her son, I like her son. He's a sweet kid. A 10 years old with untamed blond hair.
After a long conversation we decide to split. One of us will lead the squad. One will stay with her kid and surprise whoever comes expecting him to be alone. We also decide to swap. Sometimes, a mum is not the best person to protect her kid.
The boy's sitting in the sofa with a book when she leaves (1). I am standing in front of the huge kitchen window, watching the Thames running below. Like her, I seem quiet but I'm ready to strike.
Less than 10 minutes after her departure, the window breaks. I scream "HIDE and close your eyes!!" to the kid and sees his slim body jumps behind the sofa. I have no gun with me (2) so I grab a steak knife and head for the intruder's chest.
One quick move and my hand is knocking his heart. He falls down.
Emotions are flooding through me but I don't have time to exhale, an other man's jumping in. I go for his throat but my kitchen knife doesn't cut properly. I have to rip through his flesh again and again. "Sorry I wish it was quicker" I apologies. He finally dies too.
However, there was not one, not two, but three of these *bip*. Now it's a woman who's climbing through the window. I look down at my hand, the knife I'm holding is out of use, I feel helpless. As I check that the kid is not looking in my direction I see the heavy flower pot on the floor. I pick it up and smash her head with it. She falls dead. I stumble back to the kid's hiding place. He's safe. I wake up.